In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize