after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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