Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize