you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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