everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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