My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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