Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize