Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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