I need help removing her.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize