Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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