my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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