it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize