I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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