I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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