there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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