I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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