i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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