So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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