I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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