Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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