you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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