im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do herpes really smell.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize