heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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