You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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