my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize