you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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