His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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