My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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