You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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