I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize