i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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