Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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