my phone needs a breathalizer
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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