oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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