So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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