I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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