So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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