Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
