Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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