I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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