I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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