if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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