He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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