You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize