remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize