apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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