Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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