I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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