If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize