Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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